User blog:Master Ceadeus 27/Some things I need to clear up
Some things I need to get out of the way. Let me begin by saying that as far as this wiki goes, I've passed into legend and have become a mysterious, almost mythical figure. I've become a child's tale, a reminiscence. This is perpetuated by new users, who have heard about me in the past but have never met or spoken to me. I've done a lot on this wiki, as well as its mirror. I was once a well-known user. Now, I'm not so sure. Much has changed. It all began in the fall of 2012, when a Community Central user linked this wiki's chat in the Community Central chat. Naturally, I came, and, well, long story short, I came back later. When I did, I met my first friend on this wiki, a user by the name of AmberTempest. She was the first doorway I had into the fascinating world making up this wiki. Eventually, I met two of my longest-lasting friends, and developed some otherwise awesome friendships. For a long time, life was...OK. Then, in December of 2012, my life was flipped upside down. I moved. I was kicked out. I had to move to my grandparents' house, and live under their rules. For the next few months, life was Hell. To live was to hate. I dreamed of killing. Of killing myself, of killing others. I dreamed many times that I was elsewhere, away from this depression, this sad condition. Nothing helped. I started visiting less and less. Hours grew to days, days became weeks, weeks became months, and for a long time, my participation waned considerably. The last nail in the coffin of my stay was when a strange and unusual event was ordained by the female members of the wiki. I will not venture to details, but it greatly upset some other users and I. Only I was a foreigner. I had not joined the wiki from the message board. And just like that, as I grew more selfish and defensive due to my rapidly worsening depression, I was basically expelled, ostracized. I have held a long grudge towards this wiki. It is gone now. Since November 2012, I have come to realize that the internet is a big, big place, and places far worse than this exist and are substantially more disheartening. (Youtube comes to mind, as does every deep web forum). But now I need to state something else, because I learned from this experience. I have gained more wikia experience since then. Moving along: why did I cause so many issues for the wiki when I joined? # At the time, I believed administrators required valid reasoning to ban. This mattered because the reason I originally came back later was because I was being repeatedly kicked. # I was selfish and self-serving, paying no mind to who I might hurt or what friendships I might lose. # I wanted to feel special, needed, loved again. I wanted people to feel that they needed or wanted me. #I like Ghirahim. So... anyway. To all those I have long held grudges against, I apologize. To my dear friends, whom in my great selfishness and ill-will I have abandoned and begrudged, I am deeply apologetic. To the administration which I have burdened so, I am sorry. I release you from my grudges and my malcontent. And I apologize. Category:Blog posts